Virtual Vulnerability

In a digital world where you have a platform to share every detail of your life – photographs, employment information, marital status, who your friends are, political and religious views – you are completely exposed to virtual vulnerability. The younger generation may not care about the implications of their online actions. However, it’s the adult users making social networking mistakes that can affect their real and computer-generated image long-term. With a single click of a button on Facebook, MySpace or Twitter, you can completely undermine your identity. Here are some simple tips to execute proper digital etiquette and help make your online persona appropriate and effective.

Privatize Your Page – Before you even begin posting personal information on a Webpage, know how to operate your restriction settings. Social networks offer you options such as who can see your profile page and who is privy to certain information within your profile. So use the necessary controls to protect yourself….and your cyber-self.

Know Your Audience – Is your profile page for personal or professional use? This can be a tough line to draw. Ideally you would want to keep two pages – one for personal use and one for business purposes, especially if you have your own business. There can be overlap though, so think before you click. Should you accept or reject a boss, co-worker or client who asks you to be “friends?” If you feel compelled to add someone who exists in your professional world to your personal page, limit his or her access to only see parts of your profile (i.e., let them see your basic background information, but not pictures of you drinking with your buddies in Las Vegas).

Post with Prudence and Display with Discretion – As scary as it might be, people are “googling” you. And, when they do, your social network profile page is popping up. There are settings to change this, but if you are OK with making your personal page public, ensure you know exactly what you’re sharing. Do you want a potential future employer to know your age? Or a business partner to know your political stance? Or an ex-boyfriend to know you’re pregnant? You’d be surprised how much people can find out about you based on what you or others have posted. Avoid over-sharing and controversial content to preserve your online social stock.

Delete, Delete, Delete – Don’t be afraid to delete comments or pictures your “friends” post on your page. As an online citizen, you need to know how to do this and not be afraid to do it. Revealing photos, tales of wild exploits on your “wall” and less than tasteful comments can lead to a digital disaster, so delete them!

Don’t Drink and Friend – Well, let’s hope you’re not sitting at home, or even worse, your office, downing a bottle of wine and scoping out potential cyber friends, but as a reminder, don’t go around recklessly “friending” folks. Before you run off sending friend requests to your junior-high crush or Brad Pitt, consider if you really care about being “friends” with this person. And furthermore, could you handle the rejection factor that may follow if they don’t accept your request? Social networks can be a great tool to re-connect with old friends, network with industry counterparts and get involved in your community, but that doesn’t mean you should go around building your “friend” database with every person you’ve ever met. The same goes for accepting friend requests that come to your mailbox. If you haven’t talked to someone in years (because you haven’t wanted to talk with that person in years) or if someone appears to be a stranger, you can ignore his or her request without rudely hitting the reject button.

Use Virtual Vernacular – The words you use on your Webpage should be different from what you would say in an email to a close friend. Avoid curse words, insults, inappropriate jokes and any other jargon that could be deemed tasteless. In addition to sterilizing your page, be respectful of what you post on another’s profile, as it is all linked to you.

Social networking can be a great way to increase your online visibility, and connect with new and old associates. When you use your social networking smarts, you can enhance your credibility and build your business or career with a few clicks of the mouse. But, if you fail to use proper digital etiquette, you can find yourself losing credibility, clients, and business opportunities just as easily. The choice is permanent, because the Internet never forgets or forgives your missteps...so proceed with enthusiasm as well as caution.


Debra Fine is a former engineer now a bestselling author, keynote speaker and conversation guru. Debra’s bestselling book The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep it Going, Build Rapport and Leave a Positive Impression (Hyperion) joins her 2008 release of The Fine Art of the Big Talk: How to Win Clients, Deliver Great Presentations and Solve Conflicts at Work (Hyperion). Her recent media appearances include The Today Show, The Early Show, CNN, NPR Morning Edition and 100’s of magazines and newspapers across the United States. For more information about Debra Fine visit wwwDebraFine.com.

Airplane Talk?

No First Class today! I am lucky to be on an airplane considering the tumult that the airlines have caused now that they have been chastened to maintain their planes to FAA regulations. American Airlines cancelled 1000 flights today and on top of that the weather in the middle of the U.S. was lousy. So although grateful to be on a flight to Baltimore to present for Heery International tomorrow I am sure to be missing networking opportunities.
Keith Ferrazzi author of Never Eat Alone and the master of networking would be sorely disappointed. He built a financial practice by purchasing his own upgrades for First Class when he worked for Deloitte many years ago. Eventually Deloitte reimbursed him for the cost once they discovered how many new relationships were developed and how much business Keith booked with his fellow seat mates in First Class. Keith’s number one suggestion for starting a conversation in First Class? During the meal, when your seat buddy is probably bored and more open to conversation.
What is your best tip for airplane conversation? Or are you more interested in how to end those airplane conversations?

April Fool's

It is possible that my third book might take flight from the following:

Maybe you know someone (besides me) that needs this class?
Appearing on this months back cover of the Colorado Free University catalogue (or as it is labeled in honor of April Fools': Colorado Expensive University):
The Fine Art of Shutting UpDo you find yourself getting off the elevator at the wrong floor because you can’t stop talking to someone you met on the way up? Do you avoid libraries and the ballet because the sound of “Shhh!” drives you crazy? Does the song Sounds of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel make your skin crawl? Do you have nightmares about Trappist monks who serenely observe their vow of silence? This workshop will help you overcome your fear of peace and quiet as you learn how to take a full breath of air into your lungs, talk without food in your mouth, tell a story that actually has a beginning and an ending, give “yes” and “no” answers, engage in conversation without people fleeing your presence, and actually hear what other people say. Debra Fine is a best selling author and internationally recognized keynote speaker who has had her own struggles with shutting up. $149 Non-Member $154 Member Discounts given for early graduationCENTRAL DENVER: Colorado Legislature General Assembly8623X: Every Tues. (until you shut up), 6-9 p.m. Begins 4/1

Welcome to the fine art of conversation

If it were not for the last minute I would never get things done. Finally I have implemented my blog, and although it feels like the last minute, my guess is that in 5 years I won’t feel like the caboose in the world of blogging. It is about time however that I get chatting on the Internet as I have been doing plenty of it out in this wonderful world of ours. Let me know if I can provide you with answers to your questions about networking skills, developing rapport with clients or colleagues, mingling at parties or tips for job interviews or making presentations. I am all about Big and Small conversations and look forward to hearing from you. In the meantime look for regular postings about icebreaker tips and starting conversations, exit lines, mastering introductions, remembering names, hosting parties, listening skills and avoiding conversation killers!
Until then…on to my next “last minute” task.