Small Talk Wedding Series: How to Interact with In-laws

Well, it’s officially wedding season! Over the next few months, I'll be sharing some small talk tips on all things wedding. From the bride and groom introducing the in-laws to being a best man giving a toast to being a guest at a reception, I'll provide you with all the conversation essentials to make wedding season special.

Ideally, this is a time that bonds families, reinforces friendships and marks a momentous right of passage. And it wouldn’t be right without a few uncomfortable social situations along the blissful way. This brings us to our first wedding installment...meeting the in-laws and introducing families.

So, you’re engaged. Congratulations! Now that you’re formally on the path to uniting kin, it’s time to meet your future family. Unless you’re high school sweethearts, you probably haven’t met each other’s parents and siblings. Even though you’re planning on being your perfect self during this encounter, having the right small talk ammo can be the key to setting off a great first impression.

When meeting your future in-laws, there are a few laws you need to live by.

1) Give a compliment. Tell your fiancé’s mom how much you like her shoes or her home. Or better yet, compliment her on the amazing son she raised whom you can’t wait to spend your life with. Compliments automatically make people feel more comfortable and can often be a launching pad for conversation.

2) Practice politeness. Politeness is paramount when interacting with your future in-laws. Generally, whatever you learned in kindergarten is a good rule to follow: share the speaking floor, say “please” and “thank you” and be respectful. If you don’t demonstrate manners at this meeting, your marriage could be a big mess.

3) Ask questions. This is a great opportunity to ask questions about the family’s history, traditions or specific values. Not only will you seem considerate for caring, you’ll gain some interesting insight into the person you’re marrying and be able to incorporate his family legacy into the wedding.

4) Stay on neutral topics. In your first meeting with your new family, don’t ramble on about your deep connection to some ancient and eccentric spiritual belief. By avoiding hot topics like religion and politics, the conversation will keep the mood light. That’s not to say you should hide who you are, but reserve those more comprehensive conversation topics for a more appropriate time.

5) Control your cocktails. Don’t let your drinking get out of hand when initially meeting in-laws (or throughout the entire wedding process). If everyone’s having a cocktail, slowly sip one graciously and leave it at that. Over-consuming can lead to bad behavior, inappropriate remarks and embarrassing conduct that you can’t take back. You want to be married forever, not leave a bad impression forever.


Now that you’ve aced meeting your in-laws, it’s time for both families to make an acquaintance. That means introducing your liberal, outspoken New York parents to your fiancé’s conservative, reserved Nebraska parents. Breathe. You’re about to get a few pointers to ensure the event is effortless.

1) Follow all of the above rules. They still apply and should throughout your entire wedding process.

2) Find common ground. Help your families discover commonalities. If you know both your dad and your fiancé’s dad love to fish. Say, “Hey, Dad, Mr. Johnson just got back from a deep-sea fishing trip in the Gulf of Mexico.” Or tell your sister, who’s interested in attending Yale, that your fiancé’s brother just graduated from there and introduce them. It’s part of your job to facilitate conversations and make sure everyone is communicating.

3) Give a head’s up. Fill your family in on some interesting facts about your future family. Things like occupation, favorite hobbies and general likes and dislikes are a good place to start. If you provide them with some specific insights, they will be more equipped with conversation clues.

4) Follow up. After the meeting, send a thank you email to everyone and attach a picture or two. You’ll open up new lines of communication, giving everyone a chance to say anything they may have not had a chance to say. By tying up loose ends, you’ll feel more comfortable tying the knot.


There are a lot of things to worry about when planning a wedding. Talking shouldn’t be one of them! Over the next few months, I’ll provide you with some full-proof talking tips so you can enjoy all the conversations leading up to your wedding. If you follow these tips, you’ll be able to focus on enjoying your big day and all the magical moments along the way.