Small Talk Wedding Series: Get your Toast in Tip Top Shape

Welcome back to The Fine Art of Small Talk wedding series. Hopefully you’ve read the first two wedding series installments - How To Interact With In-laws and Get the Wedding Party Properly Prepped to Talk. You’ve learned some techniques for getting your families and wedding party talking and now it’s time to address the guests.

Toasts are an important part of a wedding. In a way, they can set the tone for the event, so delivery of a toast is paramount. Because many people fear public speaking, that look-at-me moment can be nerve-racking. Whether you’re planning a toast to your guests or you want to get your toast-givers up to toasting standards, there are some rules to a cheerful cheers. Here are some wedding toast tips to put you on top.

1) Do your homework. Know your audience. Who are they? What will they find touching or funny or inappropriate? Determine the duration of time allotted for your toast. Generally two minutes is an appropriate length of time, but try to stick to what the bride and groom have suggested. If a microphone is in the plan do sound checks before attendees arrive at the venue. All in all, know your assignment and deliver it well and timely.

2) Craft a fitting speech. Match the tone to the event, and then determine your message or theme. Jokes may be well-received at a bachelor party or bridal shower but not at the rehearsal or wedding dinner. You could joke that Molly and Paul met somewhat unconventionally, but not that Molly cyber-stalked him for a year. Always keep your goal in mind and how you would like your words to be remembered. Use your own words and speak from the heart to make it more meaningful. Remember that the focus is on the couple, not you. Be complimentary, sincere and mature. The point of a toast is to say something nice.

3) Practice makes perfect. Practice your toast several times. Rehearse it in front of a mirror. Ask your roommate to listen to it and give feedback. Aim to repeat your toast without notes. If you can, go to the event site and practice your toast, so you feel comfortable in the environment.

4) Attract audience attention. Either click glasses (being careful not to cause breakage) or even more effective: stand up and use eye contact to quiet your audience and get their attention. Create a presence where everyone can see you and pay attention.

5) Hold yourself confidently. Remain standing, put a smile on your face, maintain excellent posture, keep your body open (i.e. no crossed arms and feet just less than shoulder width apart) and hold a glass containing an appropriate beverage in one hand.

6) Connect with your audience. As you begin to deliver your toast look at the couple and then look across the audience, making eye contact with a few people throughout the crowd. This gives the appearance of addressing the entire crowd. As you mention names, like that of the bride and groom, look at them to make it feel warmer.

7) Be crystal clear. Speak slowly and deliberately so that you are easily understood. Use short silences to calm your nerves in the middle of your toast. Calculated pauses often contribute to a joke or touching moment, so don’t be afraid of a brief silence.

8) Close with class. Lift your glass and ask everyone to join you in toasting the couple at the end of your speech. An appropriate final phrase might be, “Cheers to the wonderful couple” or “Here’s to the journey.” Then, sip, don’t chug, from your glass.

Follow these tips and your toast will be the talk of the town (in a good way).

There are a lot of things to worry about when planning a wedding. Interacting and socializing shouldn’t be one of them! Over the next few months, I’ll continue to provide you with some full-proof talking tips so you can enjoy all the conversations leading up to and during your wedding. If you follow these tips, you and your guests will be able to focus on enjoying the big day and all the special moments along the way.

New Graduate Top Talk Tips to Land the Big Job

You did it! You graduated! You stayed up many late nights, caffeinated and cramming for calculus exams. You spent hours languishing over literary works in the library. And, you invested invaluable effort in understanding inertia and ions. It’s a huge accomplishment and you should enjoy your success. However, there are new opportunities knocking on your degree-decorated door. As tough as the current job market is and as challenging as the economy is, jobs are available. You may have the focus to search for a job or internship, but are you equipped with the communication skills to make the most of each interview? Are you the master of the skills required to land the job?

While you may have gained communication skills interacting in team sports or academic clubs, or at sorority and fraternity parties, entering the professional world requires a certain colloquial ability. If you want the job, you have to talk the talk. And, that doesn’t just mean answering some rehearsed interview questions; it means interacting with potential decision makers, building rapport, and following up on the relationship.

According to a new study from the Economic Policy Institute, the young adult labor force fell almost 6.5% in the past three years. Meaning, competition in the job market is more aggressive than ever. So, possessing more than just the requested requirements is imperative. What makes you more “hirable” than another candidate with comparable qualifications? It’s how you communicate and how conversationally comfortable you are and you make the interviewer(s). So, here are some conversation tips and rapport building techniques to get you to talk the job talk.

• Meet, greet and take a seat. That is, shake with a firm hand, introduce yourself confidently and sit down prepared to impress. Obviously your name should be known, but that does not prevent you from offering the gift of your name regardless: "Debra Fine, thank you for the opportunity to interview with you." Don’t forget to listen to how the interviewer introduces himself. Is he Jon or Jonathan or Mr. Wright? If it’s the latter, say, “Hello Mr. Wright, I’m Debra Fine and it’s nice to meet you.”

• Get physical. Making eye contact in an interview is one of the most important moves you can make. It says, “I’m confident and capable.” Use your convincing smile to show that you’re personable and friendly. With this physical activity you’ll have a winning formula for positive non-verbal communication.

• Listen loudly. In an interview, it’s important to listen to how the interviewer describes the job and listen to the questions being asked. Let the interviewer know you are actively listening by offering verbal cues such as: "That is interesting," or "Tell me more..."

• Speak sensibly and bookend with small talk. Begin and end your interview with small talk. Approach interviews prepared to talk about the industry, current events, the weekend and even the weather to prevent awkward moments or appearing distant. Don’t just answer inquisitions, elaborate on interview questions to show that you’re mature enough to have an adult conversation. If you get an opportunity, try to make a more personal bond. If an interviewer asks you where you grew up, say, “I’m originally from Dallas, Texas. What about you?” Or, if you’re asked about how your weekend was, reply with more than the cursory “good.” Make conversation and say, “I had a great weekend; I went to the new Impressionist exhibit at the museum. Have you had an opportunity to view it yet?” If you can draw a connection with this individual, and he/she with you, it will make your interview a bigger success.

• Don’t rely on digital dialogue skills. You may be extremely advanced at texting on your phone or networking on LinkedIn, but it’s critical that you aren’t just a technical device talker. Before an interview, practice calling your friends instead of texting them or meet in person for a more intimate conversation. Be particularly aware of your body language and tone since this is a 3-D interaction. For example, it’s easy to casually slouch when typing or texting, but when you’re engaging in a face-to-face conversation, you should sit straight up and in a professional position. And, instead of using slang or pop culture abbreviations as you would with your digital dialogue, use your most sophisticated vernacular.

• Interview the interviewer. Show the interviewer that you are groomed for sophisticated conversations by asking intelligent and thought provoking questions at the end of your interview. Use this time to ask how the decision maker originally got into marketing or what the interviewer’s career path has been.

• Snail mail a thank you. Before leaving an interview, get the interviewer’s business card. This will ensure you have the proper spelling of the individual’s name and also address. If there are multiple interviewers, be sure to collect all their cards. You’ll want to send a proper thank you note through the mail, not email, because your communication shouldn’t end when you leave the interview, and a personal note delivers a lasting positive impression.

Small Talk Wedding Series: Get the Wedding Party Properly Prepped to Talk

Welcome back to the The Fine Art of Small Talk wedding series. At this point you’ve probably met your in-laws and introduced your families. If not, be sure to reference part 1 of the series, How To Interact With In-laws.

While the first article focused on the bride and groom, in this installment, individuals who are part of the wedding party will learn how to best interact with each other and how to make the experience the most comfortable and enjoyable it can be.

It can be overwhelming to play such a critical part in someone’s big day – between the bridal shower, bachelor party, rehearsal dinner and actual wedding ceremony. Since brides and grooms often comprise their wedding parties from different components of their lives – family, childhood, college, work – it can be especially challenging to mix and mingle with different personalities all looking to be the bride’s best or the groom’s go-to guy.

Here are some tips to assist wedding party participants with meeting, talking and getting along.

1) Meet all party participants. If you’re the bride, groom, or maid of honor, provide some icebreakers, perhaps even a quick game to get everyone acquainted and more at ease. All the wedding events will be uncomfortable if you don’t meet the other attendants. If you aren’t formally introduced, make it a point to introduce yourself and explain how you know the bride or groom. Try, “Hi, I’m Rick. Dave and I grew up together in Ohio.” Do your best to remember everyone’s names by making mental notes of where they’re from or what they do.

2) Get to know the other bridesmaids or groomsmen. Chances are you’ll be spending a good amount of time with these individuals from showers to parties, so you’ll want to try to make as deep a connection as possible. Ask about their relationship with the bride and/or groom and get them to tell some personal stories. Try to draw similarities wherever possible. If you went to college in Boston and one of the other bridesmaids live in a Massachusetts suburb, talk about any overlapping experience.

3) Don’t compete. Everyone wants the engaged couple to feel loved and special in the events leading up to their wedding and on their big day, but don’t compete to be the best bridesmaid or greatest groomsman. The wedding party is just that…a party comprised of several individuals, so don’t compete for attention and try to speak to everyone equally. The idea is to be inclusive, not inconsiderate, of all the ladies and gents.

4) Be on your best behavior. Certain wedding events, say a bachelor party in Las Vegas, can quickly get out of hand. Shots may get the party started, but they also can lead to a bad end. Limit liquor so you can keep your cool and keep relationships intact before, during and after the wedding.

5) You’re not the boss. At the end of the day, the bride and groom have the final say in their wedding and everything leading up to it. Just because you’ve been named an attendant, doesn’t mean you get to make executive decisions and boss people around. If you feel left out of decisions because another individual is taking too much control, speak up. Say, “Kathy is my friend too, and I’d really like to help with this project.” Or, “Ben mentioned he wanted us to pick up his tux by noon, so we should adhere to his request.”

6) Talk to, but don’t make passes at other wedding party people. We all know that weddings and pre-wedding festivities are a common place to meet potential love interests. But keep the flirting frenzy to a minimum until after the wedding. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t converse; it just means you should establish banter boundaries.

7) Keep in touch. After the wedding, stay in communication with your new friends by sending an email or pictures of all the events. Even though you might all live in different places, electronic communication can be a great way to continue building relationships with fellow wedding participants.

There are a lot of things to worry about when planning a wedding. Interacting and socializing shouldn’t be one of them! Over the next few months, I’ll continue to provide you with some full-proof talking tips so you can enjoy all the conversations leading up to and during your wedding. If you follow these tips, you and your guests will be able to focus on enjoying the big day and all the special moments along the way.