Small Talk Wedding Series: How to be a Great Guest at a Wedding

Welcome back to The Fine Art of Small Talk wedding series. Hopefully you’ve read the first four wedding series installments - How To Interact With In-laws, Get the Wedding Party Properly Prepped to Talk, Get Your Toast in Tip Top Shape and Handle Your Receiving Line Like a Pro. It’s finally time to enjoy the wedding! But are you equipped with the skills to make the most of the marriage festivities?

Wedding parties and receptions can be a fun time to interact with old friends and celebrate with relatives, but if you don’t know many people it can be socially uncomfortable. Even if you do know a good majority of wedding guests, there are some reception rules to follow for maximum – and appropriate – fun:

1) Mix, mingle and move around. The best way to meet people and interact at weddings is to explore the different areas of the party to see where other like-minded people might be gathering. If you are rolling solo, see if there are any other singles mixing around the bar or mingling by the buffet, and strike up a conversation. Giving someone a compliment is always a great way to initiate a dialogue. Try, “I love your dress, that color looks great on you! I’m Stacey and I used to work with the bride. What’s your name?” And try to seal it with a handshake (if your hands aren’t full with food or drinks) to make it more personal. If you know several people at the wedding and spot some singles, make the grand gesture of going up to them and introducing yourself and possibly some others you know there.

2)Reach out to relatives. Often, one of the most uncomfortable things about attending a family member’s wedding is seeing all the relatives you haven’t seen in years. Although it may be somewhat awkward, it’s important to make a point of interacting with your relatives. Sure, your great Aunt Helen won’t be able to stop talking about “how much you’ve grown,” but connecting with family members, especially ones from out of town is part of the wedding celebration. Be prepared to tell relatives what you’ve been up to in your personal and professional life and direct similar questions to them. Before your know it, you’ll feel like family again!

3)Table talk. When seated at an assigned table, you should introduce yourself to everyone else at the table. The bride and groom put you at that table for a reason, so utilize the seating arrangement to get to know some of the other guests. Engage in conversation by finding out how the others know the bride and groom, where they are from and even their occupation. You could discover a love interest, new friend, or potential business contact.

4) Give thanks. As a guest at a wedding, you should make a point to introduce yourself to the bride and grooms’ families and express your thanks. If you can site a specific element of the wedding that stands out in your mind as memorable, include that in your conversation. Try: “Hi Mr. and Mrs. Thompson. I’m Harry and I work with your daughter. She’s a beautiful bride. Thank you for a spectacular evening. The photo booth was a fun touch. Congratulations to you both.”

5) Put a cork in it. Free booze at a wedding is always tempting, but limit yourself to a few drinks. You don’t need to get completely intoxicated to be social and gregarious. And you don’t want to be “that person” who is too drunk and making a scene. That doesn’t mean you can’t linger around the bar to meet and chat with others.

6)Have fun. The point of a wedding party is to have fun and celebrate with the newlyweds. So, eat, dance, partake in group activities and enjoy talking to familiar and unfamiliar people.

There are a lot of things to worry about when planning and attending a wedding. Interacting and socializing shouldn’t be one of them! Hopefully you’ve benefited from these full-proof talking tips that allow you to enjoy all the conversations leading up to and during your wedding. If you follow these tips, you and your guests will be able to focus on enjoying the big day!

Carly Fiorina’s Small Mindedness

Carly Fiorina, recently crowned Republican candidate for Senator of California, is already embroiled in controversy. Fiorina's camp shrugged off her dig at Barbara Boxer's hair ("so yesterday") and other catty comments as "early-morning small talk."

As a small talk expert and best selling author of The Fine Art of Small Talk (Hyperion), I am appalled. Fiorina's small mindedness isn’t the same thing as small talk. Ms. Fiorina needs to employ the old adage 'if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all'...especially when a microphone is in the vicinity! Wise politicians use small talk to develop relationships with the voter, volunteer and fundraiser to build a community of support. Ms. Fiorina is simply making a good case for why gossip and small mindedness cause damage to relationships!

Small Talk Wedding Series: Handle Your Receiving Line Like a Pro

Welcome back to The Fine Art of Small Talk wedding series. Hopefully you’ve read the first three wedding series installments - How To Interact With In-laws, Get the Wedding Party Properly Prepped to Talk, and Get Your Toast in Tip Top Shape. Now it’s time to think about greeting and addressing your wedding guests.

The receiving line is a long-running tradition in which the couple and specific members of their families greet guests. It’s a simple way to transition the mood from ceremony to reception and make everyone feel comfortable and acknowledged. That being said there are some important rules to receiving.

1)The lineup. Experts have differing opinions about who partakes in the receiving line, but typically, it’s the mother of the bride, the bride, the groom and his mother (in that order depending on how formal you want to be). Often the fathers are nearby mingling with guests and making informal introductions. But, I think adding in the fathers, especially if they have a good amount of friends in attendance, is more than acceptable. Stepparents can be added in depending on your preference. Just try not to overwhelm your guests. It’s not about having the biggest NFL defensive line, here.

2)Keep it short and sweet. You should expect that it will take about 30-40 minutes for every 100 guests. That means about 20 seconds with each guest. Give a warm and genuine greeting and say the guest's name whenever you know it. Try, “Hi Bill and Pam. Thank you for sharing this day with us and being part of our wedding. You are wonderful friends. You know Keith.” And then usher them onward to your new husband. If you feel like you’re spending too much time with one person, let them know you’ll see them throughout the reception and catch up more then.

3)Introduce and initiate. It’s important as the bride or groom to make the introductions between your family and your guests. Say, “Hi Kathy! I’m so glad you could make it. This is Sam; you know my mom, Cindy; and this is Sam’s mother, Irene. This is Kathy, my college roommate. She flew in from Boston.” First names and relationship are the key points to get across. Ideally guests make it their responsibility to state their first name and how they know the bride and groom if not otherwise formally introduced.

4)Don’t guess the guests. The best way to avoid any embarrassing introduction moments is to study your guest list beforehand. Go through the attendees with your partner and look at pictures if possible. And, ask your parents to do the same. It will make the receiving line much more receivable.

5)No-Name game. There are bound to be a few people whose names you forget or miss. The best way to handle this is to just not say their name. Say, “It’s great to see you again. Thank you for coming. Be sure to say hello to Ted; he’ll be excited to see you.” Or create a signal letting your Mom know you forgot a name so she jumps in with a cue: "Honey, aren't you excited Jim and Martha joined us to celebrate? What great neighbors they are!"

6)Enjoy the compliments. In many instances you won’t even get a chance to say anything because guests will be complimenting how you look, how nice the ceremony was and how great the reception space is. So, just graciously say thank you and express your appreciation for them being in attendance.

7)Next! Of course your guests will be so excited to see you and want to chat for as long as possible. So, you really need to be the one moving the line along. You can both verbally and physically keep it going. While physically motioning them onto the next person in the receiving line and slowly turning back to the next person in line to see you, say, “Well, it’s great to see you and I look forward to talking more during the party.”

There are a lot of things to worry about when planning a wedding. Interacting and socializing shouldn’t be one of them! Over the next few months, I’ll continue to provide you with some full-proof talking tips so you can enjoy all the conversations leading up to and during your wedding. If you follow these tips, you and your guests will be able to focus on enjoying the big day and all the special moments along the way.