Small Talk Wedding Series: Get your Toast in Tip Top Shape

Welcome back to The Fine Art of Small Talk wedding series. Hopefully you’ve read the first two wedding series installments - How To Interact With In-laws and Get the Wedding Party Properly Prepped to Talk. You’ve learned some techniques for getting your families and wedding party talking and now it’s time to address the guests.

Toasts are an important part of a wedding. In a way, they can set the tone for the event, so delivery of a toast is paramount. Because many people fear public speaking, that look-at-me moment can be nerve-racking. Whether you’re planning a toast to your guests or you want to get your toast-givers up to toasting standards, there are some rules to a cheerful cheers. Here are some wedding toast tips to put you on top.

1) Do your homework. Know your audience. Who are they? What will they find touching or funny or inappropriate? Determine the duration of time allotted for your toast. Generally two minutes is an appropriate length of time, but try to stick to what the bride and groom have suggested. If a microphone is in the plan do sound checks before attendees arrive at the venue. All in all, know your assignment and deliver it well and timely.

2) Craft a fitting speech. Match the tone to the event, and then determine your message or theme. Jokes may be well-received at a bachelor party or bridal shower but not at the rehearsal or wedding dinner. You could joke that Molly and Paul met somewhat unconventionally, but not that Molly cyber-stalked him for a year. Always keep your goal in mind and how you would like your words to be remembered. Use your own words and speak from the heart to make it more meaningful. Remember that the focus is on the couple, not you. Be complimentary, sincere and mature. The point of a toast is to say something nice.

3) Practice makes perfect. Practice your toast several times. Rehearse it in front of a mirror. Ask your roommate to listen to it and give feedback. Aim to repeat your toast without notes. If you can, go to the event site and practice your toast, so you feel comfortable in the environment.

4) Attract audience attention. Either click glasses (being careful not to cause breakage) or even more effective: stand up and use eye contact to quiet your audience and get their attention. Create a presence where everyone can see you and pay attention.

5) Hold yourself confidently. Remain standing, put a smile on your face, maintain excellent posture, keep your body open (i.e. no crossed arms and feet just less than shoulder width apart) and hold a glass containing an appropriate beverage in one hand.

6) Connect with your audience. As you begin to deliver your toast look at the couple and then look across the audience, making eye contact with a few people throughout the crowd. This gives the appearance of addressing the entire crowd. As you mention names, like that of the bride and groom, look at them to make it feel warmer.

7) Be crystal clear. Speak slowly and deliberately so that you are easily understood. Use short silences to calm your nerves in the middle of your toast. Calculated pauses often contribute to a joke or touching moment, so don’t be afraid of a brief silence.

8) Close with class. Lift your glass and ask everyone to join you in toasting the couple at the end of your speech. An appropriate final phrase might be, “Cheers to the wonderful couple” or “Here’s to the journey.” Then, sip, don’t chug, from your glass.

Follow these tips and your toast will be the talk of the town (in a good way).

There are a lot of things to worry about when planning a wedding. Interacting and socializing shouldn’t be one of them! Over the next few months, I’ll continue to provide you with some full-proof talking tips so you can enjoy all the conversations leading up to and during your wedding. If you follow these tips, you and your guests will be able to focus on enjoying the big day and all the special moments along the way.

Small Talk Wedding Series: Get the Wedding Party Properly Prepped to Talk

Welcome back to the The Fine Art of Small Talk wedding series. At this point you’ve probably met your in-laws and introduced your families. If not, be sure to reference part 1 of the series, How To Interact With In-laws.

While the first article focused on the bride and groom, in this installment, individuals who are part of the wedding party will learn how to best interact with each other and how to make the experience the most comfortable and enjoyable it can be.

It can be overwhelming to play such a critical part in someone’s big day – between the bridal shower, bachelor party, rehearsal dinner and actual wedding ceremony. Since brides and grooms often comprise their wedding parties from different components of their lives – family, childhood, college, work – it can be especially challenging to mix and mingle with different personalities all looking to be the bride’s best or the groom’s go-to guy.

Here are some tips to assist wedding party participants with meeting, talking and getting along.

1) Meet all party participants. If you’re the bride, groom, or maid of honor, provide some icebreakers, perhaps even a quick game to get everyone acquainted and more at ease. All the wedding events will be uncomfortable if you don’t meet the other attendants. If you aren’t formally introduced, make it a point to introduce yourself and explain how you know the bride or groom. Try, “Hi, I’m Rick. Dave and I grew up together in Ohio.” Do your best to remember everyone’s names by making mental notes of where they’re from or what they do.

2) Get to know the other bridesmaids or groomsmen. Chances are you’ll be spending a good amount of time with these individuals from showers to parties, so you’ll want to try to make as deep a connection as possible. Ask about their relationship with the bride and/or groom and get them to tell some personal stories. Try to draw similarities wherever possible. If you went to college in Boston and one of the other bridesmaids live in a Massachusetts suburb, talk about any overlapping experience.

3) Don’t compete. Everyone wants the engaged couple to feel loved and special in the events leading up to their wedding and on their big day, but don’t compete to be the best bridesmaid or greatest groomsman. The wedding party is just that…a party comprised of several individuals, so don’t compete for attention and try to speak to everyone equally. The idea is to be inclusive, not inconsiderate, of all the ladies and gents.

4) Be on your best behavior. Certain wedding events, say a bachelor party in Las Vegas, can quickly get out of hand. Shots may get the party started, but they also can lead to a bad end. Limit liquor so you can keep your cool and keep relationships intact before, during and after the wedding.

5) You’re not the boss. At the end of the day, the bride and groom have the final say in their wedding and everything leading up to it. Just because you’ve been named an attendant, doesn’t mean you get to make executive decisions and boss people around. If you feel left out of decisions because another individual is taking too much control, speak up. Say, “Kathy is my friend too, and I’d really like to help with this project.” Or, “Ben mentioned he wanted us to pick up his tux by noon, so we should adhere to his request.”

6) Talk to, but don’t make passes at other wedding party people. We all know that weddings and pre-wedding festivities are a common place to meet potential love interests. But keep the flirting frenzy to a minimum until after the wedding. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t converse; it just means you should establish banter boundaries.

7) Keep in touch. After the wedding, stay in communication with your new friends by sending an email or pictures of all the events. Even though you might all live in different places, electronic communication can be a great way to continue building relationships with fellow wedding participants.

There are a lot of things to worry about when planning a wedding. Interacting and socializing shouldn’t be one of them! Over the next few months, I’ll continue to provide you with some full-proof talking tips so you can enjoy all the conversations leading up to and during your wedding. If you follow these tips, you and your guests will be able to focus on enjoying the big day and all the special moments along the way.

Small Talk Wedding Series: How to Interact with In-laws

Well, it’s officially wedding season! Over the next few months, I'll be sharing some small talk tips on all things wedding. From the bride and groom introducing the in-laws to being a best man giving a toast to being a guest at a reception, I'll provide you with all the conversation essentials to make wedding season special.

Ideally, this is a time that bonds families, reinforces friendships and marks a momentous right of passage. And it wouldn’t be right without a few uncomfortable social situations along the blissful way. This brings us to our first wedding installment...meeting the in-laws and introducing families.

So, you’re engaged. Congratulations! Now that you’re formally on the path to uniting kin, it’s time to meet your future family. Unless you’re high school sweethearts, you probably haven’t met each other’s parents and siblings. Even though you’re planning on being your perfect self during this encounter, having the right small talk ammo can be the key to setting off a great first impression.

When meeting your future in-laws, there are a few laws you need to live by.

1) Give a compliment. Tell your fiancé’s mom how much you like her shoes or her home. Or better yet, compliment her on the amazing son she raised whom you can’t wait to spend your life with. Compliments automatically make people feel more comfortable and can often be a launching pad for conversation.

2) Practice politeness. Politeness is paramount when interacting with your future in-laws. Generally, whatever you learned in kindergarten is a good rule to follow: share the speaking floor, say “please” and “thank you” and be respectful. If you don’t demonstrate manners at this meeting, your marriage could be a big mess.

3) Ask questions. This is a great opportunity to ask questions about the family’s history, traditions or specific values. Not only will you seem considerate for caring, you’ll gain some interesting insight into the person you’re marrying and be able to incorporate his family legacy into the wedding.

4) Stay on neutral topics. In your first meeting with your new family, don’t ramble on about your deep connection to some ancient and eccentric spiritual belief. By avoiding hot topics like religion and politics, the conversation will keep the mood light. That’s not to say you should hide who you are, but reserve those more comprehensive conversation topics for a more appropriate time.

5) Control your cocktails. Don’t let your drinking get out of hand when initially meeting in-laws (or throughout the entire wedding process). If everyone’s having a cocktail, slowly sip one graciously and leave it at that. Over-consuming can lead to bad behavior, inappropriate remarks and embarrassing conduct that you can’t take back. You want to be married forever, not leave a bad impression forever.


Now that you’ve aced meeting your in-laws, it’s time for both families to make an acquaintance. That means introducing your liberal, outspoken New York parents to your fiancé’s conservative, reserved Nebraska parents. Breathe. You’re about to get a few pointers to ensure the event is effortless.

1) Follow all of the above rules. They still apply and should throughout your entire wedding process.

2) Find common ground. Help your families discover commonalities. If you know both your dad and your fiancé’s dad love to fish. Say, “Hey, Dad, Mr. Johnson just got back from a deep-sea fishing trip in the Gulf of Mexico.” Or tell your sister, who’s interested in attending Yale, that your fiancé’s brother just graduated from there and introduce them. It’s part of your job to facilitate conversations and make sure everyone is communicating.

3) Give a head’s up. Fill your family in on some interesting facts about your future family. Things like occupation, favorite hobbies and general likes and dislikes are a good place to start. If you provide them with some specific insights, they will be more equipped with conversation clues.

4) Follow up. After the meeting, send a thank you email to everyone and attach a picture or two. You’ll open up new lines of communication, giving everyone a chance to say anything they may have not had a chance to say. By tying up loose ends, you’ll feel more comfortable tying the knot.


There are a lot of things to worry about when planning a wedding. Talking shouldn’t be one of them! Over the next few months, I’ll provide you with some full-proof talking tips so you can enjoy all the conversations leading up to your wedding. If you follow these tips, you’ll be able to focus on enjoying your big day and all the magical moments along the way.

Small Talk Hits a Small Speed Bump

Recently, small talk has hit a small speed bump. A newly released study by the Journal of Psychological Science has found that people who have more substantial, meaningful conversations are overall happier.

While I find the study interesting, my experience with small talk has been completely different. As a former engineer who had absolute disdain for small talk, I now have plenty of anecdotal evidence to support my thoughts on why small talk can be successful for building important relationships.

I agree with the study in the sense that your life cannot be comprised of only singular, small talk encounters and that that behavior could result in unhappiness. In order to avoid this, you can’t let the conversation stop with small talk. You have to let it advance into something more meaningful. Think of small talk as an appetizer before an entrée. As long as you don’t get full from the appetizer, you’ll eventually get to a meaty entrée and a productive relationship can be built. Most connected relationships – business, social or romantic – begin with small talk. Then, deeper conversations allow profound bonds to evolve.

If you are good at small talk and apply proper small talk strategies, you’ll be more equipped to transition into more meaningful conversation topics, thus leading to the formation of relationships. To be a good communicator and to be in a position to build relationships, small talk is essential. It’s no small matter.